Climbing Outta the Funk

Ever feel like you're in a rut? Emotionally, spiritually, physically?

I do. I'm a little hesitant (and embarrassed) to bear my soul here, because I think people mostly want to hear updates on the family or tales of Kaden's antics, but I'll just say I've been losing the battle with that one sin that Satan always throws my way (not to say that I only mess up in one area!!). No matter what your weaknesses or what your past, I'm sure just about everyone can identify with a period of feeling too weak to overcome your weakness(es).

What really stinks is that the internal battles I've been fighting are apparently not as internal as I thought. Josh can tell when I'm indulging in "stinkin' thinkin'" (not sure where that phrase came from) or when I've thrown in the towel, giving up the hope that I'll ever have victory again in this area. It bothers him to see me in this defeated state, and I know that this distraction, this emotional drain, affects my effectiveness as a wife and a mom. And that bothers me, too!

So it's time for a new plan. I've been wallowing about in self-pity for long enough, and it's time for the next step! A big part of the plan is discipline, and another big part involves carving out time each week for me, which I have to say is hard. Being a busy mom of two is a rather convenient excuse to push away the stuff I "don't have time" to deal with. But as is always the case, carving out a bit of time for myself to do the things I need to do for my soul and my body always makes me more alive in every other moment of the day when I'm focused on Josh or the kids.

And when it comes down to it, that's what I want to be. Fully present, fully alive, fully on mission in every moment, not distracted and faltering under guilt and shame and self-pity. The best news, and I can't fail to mention it, is that I'm not in this alone. Not only do I have a supportive, loving husband, but I serve a God who is stronger than my weakness. My Father wants to see me succeed in overcoming the flesh and becoming more like his Son. Satan tells me I'm all alone, but it's not true -- God is with me each step! Victory today does not guarantee victory tomorrow, so I must continue being vigilant and making the best choices I can! So, that's me in this moment. Feeling defeated and rather sorrowful in my heart, but ready to try again.

If you want to share, how do you attack your area of weakness...or kick your butt into gear when you're in a rut?

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll try to think of something happy to post about next time. :-)